Updated: Aug 1, 2022
Lori Gottlieb writes with heart, vulnerability, and truth, taking us behind the scenes of the life of a therapist.
Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist, weaves an utterly human narrative through the medium of her four clients, their lives and painful experiences, as well as her own therapy experience.
Peeling back layers to help her patients reach the deepest and darkest parts of themselves and the deep-rooted insecurities that they are too afraid to confront.
She gently guides them in the right direction, helping them make sense of their jumbled-up thought processes, and overcoming obstacles. In this way, she compels her readers to do the same.
I learned a lot from reading Maybe You Should Talk To Someone.
Soon you will be able to watch the television series adaptation of this book starring Eva Longoria.
I've highlighted numerous phrases, ideas, and paragraphs throughout the book that have inspired me and piqued my interest in certain habits, childhood memories, and experiences I've had.
Here are the big lessons that I have learned from this book:
1. There is no hierarchy of pain. Suffering should not be ranked, because pain is not a contest.
Pain is not a contest, and I think that's the best way to look at it. Pain is not ranked—it's not like we're going to say that this pain is worse than that, or that this one is more intense.
When we assign different levels of suffering to different types of pain, we are only adding to the suffering that already exists.
Pain has become a competition in which we are trying to one-up each other's level of suffering with new ways to make ourselves feel more miserable.
The only way to truly end this competition is by learning to truly empathise with each other: seeing the same thing from another perspective and feeling what they are feeling instead of judging them for their choices.
The only way we can truly end this competition is by starting it over again with compassion at its core—compassion for ourselves and others.
2. Follow your envy- it shows you what you want.
Empathy is a great tool for learning how to relate to other people. But when it comes to ourselves, it's not so easy. We might be able to recognize the feelings of others, but we can't always tell if those feelings are our own.
Envy is one of the hardest feelings to manage because it can make you feel like you're falling behind in life. But if you can find a way to channel that envy and turn it into positive, then it's an important tool in your growth process!
That's because envy isn't always something we seek out—it just shows up when you least expect it. When you're caught off guard by your envy, it can be hard to know exactly what's happening or what you should do about it.
But there is one thing that you can do with this feeling: follow your envy! It will lead you straight to what you want—or at least where your attention needs to go next for things to change for the better in your life.
3. People often mistake numbness for nothingness, but numbness is not the absence of feelings.
It's a response to being overwhelmed by too many feelings.
You may be struggling to understand the difference between feeling numb and being overwhelmed by too many feelings.
When you're experiencing a bout of numbness, you might feel like your body can't handle all the emotions that are coming at you at once—like they're too much to process.
You might also feel like you're frozen in time, unable to respond or move forward. It is because your brain is working as hard as possible to keep up with all the new information and emotion that are crashing into you from every direction.
If this happens often enough, it can begin to feel normal for you—even though it's damaging your mental health!
I have learned, that therapists themselves need help.
I'm glad I read this profound book, and I think you should try it out.