I have realised that I don't particularly enjoy being a beginner. I like learning. I like being curious. I like trying new things.
But starting something from scratch? That is a different story.
There is a discomfort that comes with doing something for the first time when you are already used to being reasonably good at the things you do.
You ask a question you feel you should probably know the answer to.
You make a mistake that seems embarrassingly obvious in hindsight.
Someone younger than you explains something to you in two minutes that you have been struggling with for an hour.
And you quietly think, Why am I so bad at this?
I have felt this many times in my life.
Every time I have entered a new industry, started something new, learned a new skill or walked into a room where I didn't quite know how things worked, I have had to experience that uncomfortable feeling of not being competent.
And I don't think we talk enough about that part of growth.
We talk about reinvention as though it is glamorous. It isn't.
Most of the time, reinvention looks like being slightly clueless. It looks like asking basic questions. It looks like getting things wrong.
It looks like watching someone else do something effortlessly while you are still trying to understand step one. And yet, when I look back, some of the most important things I have learned started exactly there.
I've noticed something else about people who keep growing. They seem to have a much higher tolerance for being beginners. They don't need to look intelligent immediately. They don't need to have the answer.
They are happy to say, "I don't know. Tell me."
There is almost a childlike curiosity in them. And I think that is a superpower.
Because when you already know a lot, it is very easy to start filtering the world through what you already know.
You recognise patterns quickly. You make assumptions. You know what worked last time. Being a beginner takes all of that away. Suddenly, you are paying attention again.
You notice things. You ask questions. You experiment. You are forced to look at the world without the comfort of familiarity.
That is why children learn so quickly. They have no ego attached to not knowing.
A five-year-old can ask you "why?" fifteen times without worrying that the fifteenth question makes them look stupid.
Somewhere along the way, adults become far more concerned with looking capable than with actually learning.
We would rather pretend to understand than admit that we don't. And that can become very expensive.
Every time you avoid being a beginner, you also avoid the possibility of becoming good at something new. And then we compare our messy beginning to somebody else's polished middle.
We need to stop doing that. Maybe being embarrassed by being a beginner is not a sign that we are failing; it is simply the price of admission.
Because you cannot become strong without first allowing yourself to be weak.
You cannot become experienced without first being inexperienced.
And you cannot discover what you are capable of if you are only willing to do things you already know how to do.
So I am trying to become a little more comfortable with being the beginner. Because perhaps the goal isn't to always look like you know what you're doing.
Perhaps the goal is to keep finding things worth learning.
And if that means being an embarrassing beginner every once in a while, I think that's a pretty good trade.
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