“If you don’t answer this call, you could lose the job.”
“If you keep saying no to these opportunities, someone else will get ahead of you.”
“If you let your employee get away with this, everyone will think you’re a pushover.”
Notice how quickly the brain moves from something happening to something terrible happening next.
And most of the time, we don’t even notice we are doing it.
A missed call becomes a career problem. A difficult conversation with an employee becomes a question about our leadership.
One small event, and our mind has already written the ending.
We make hundreds of little assumptions about what this means for that.
If I don't do this, that will happen. If that happens, then something worse will follow. And because these thoughts arrive so naturally, we mistake them for facts. But they are often just stories.
I find the Stoic idea of pausing incredibly relevant to modern life.
The Stoics placed enormous value on reason and reflection. Not because they believed we should become emotionless people, but because they understood how easily our interpretation of an event can create more suffering than the event itself.
There is a difference between what happened and what we think will happen because of what happened.
You missed a meeting. That is real.
“You are going to lose the client because of it.”
That is a prediction.
Your employee made a mistake. That is real.
“If I don't react strongly, nobody will respect me.”
That is an assumption.
And sometimes, when you separate the event from the story around it, you realise the event itself isn't nearly as frightening.
I have caught myself doing this too.
Something doesn't go according to plan and my mind immediately starts connecting dots that don't necessarily exist.
What if this happens?
And then what?
And then what?
Before I know it, I am anxious about a future that hasn't happened and may never happen.
The funny thing is, we often call this being prepared. Sometimes, we're simply worrying creatively.
The next time you feel that familiar rush of anxiety, try asking yourself one simple question:
What do I actually know right now?
Not what you fear.
Not what you predict.
Not what you have convinced yourself this means.
Just what you know.
It creates a distance between the event and your reaction. And sometimes, that little distance is all we need.
Life will give us enough real problems to deal with. We don't need to manufacture a few extra ones in our heads.
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